Yeah, that'd be Aisha. She's clearly snapped and I don't think she's comin' back!
Oh well...
Interesting sentence (paragraph, really):
" 'Nadira, I've always been like these guys out here, running. You know me. I'll run in any weather. You give me a test, I'll do ten times better than you expect. I'll do anything.' She pushes her hands deeper. 'But what if I put myself forward, and then they take everything away?' She shakes her head once more. 'And then I realized. I can't do this anymore. It's too hard. Too big. Nothing's working. Not the letters. Nothing. Maybe if I just stop wanting so much, they can't hurt me. I don't want to stand out anymore, Nadira. It hurts too much. I don't want to stand out. Not anymore.' "
There are so many times in the past few months that I have felt like this, and been on the verge of a breakdown, just like Aisha, except she actually fell over the edge into 'breakdown' mode, and I didn't. It can hurt so much if you think that your teachers aren't apreciating you, or you think you didn't make the cut for something, but you tried so hard it hurt you, even when you knew you couldn't try harder. There is NO name for this hurt, and it goes beyond what a parent or friend can fix. I know that you just have to get up and keep going, but I don't have any idea how Aisha's getting up from this one! She got hit pretty hard. It's like a boxer. They hit and get hit, and when they get hit hard enough, they don't get up again.
It's sad, but it's life.
I recently read a book called 'Crank' by Ellen Hopkins and it mentioned that a ton of 'brown-nosers' become druggies because they can't handle the pressure after so long. I believe it too, it's really hard doing your best on everything, and then some. It gets very wearing and I sincerely wish Aisha the best.
DiaBlog#13
15 years ago
It is really just awful thing to feel that way, no wonder Aisha, without Ari's kick-but-ness, is completely loosing it. I do think she'll recover, but only to a point. the blows she sustained are certainly the sort that leave a mark, and a hefty one at that, but i don't think they have to be fatal. Also, I liked the book reference (big surprise).
ReplyDeleteYeahhhhhh, this really sucks. Yes i have had some small versions of these type of breakdowns myself and I know how Aisha/you feel. I love the "real" life reference and the Crank reference (i gotta read that sometime don't i?)
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean Ari. I don't have breakdowns like that very much but I do know people that have had them.It was interesting that you put a reference to 'crank' in your blog-log.
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